Trust Machines - Winter Social

Trust Machines - Winter Social
The sign over the mall entrance said "South Hawkley High School Winter Social Dance".  Underneath those letters was a deliberately cruder splash of red lettering: "Get Venned".

The line was out the door.  Inside the mall, it snaked back and forth through a series of velvet ropes, ending up next to a pair of plain looking cubicles.  The interlocking circle icons on them marked them as Venn Machines.  At the head of the line, a tall, curvy blonde was yelling at the girl who was trying to keep it all organized.

"Kari, I don't care about the rules, I shouldn't have to go through the stupid machine.  I'm already wearing two people."

The head of the Social Committee sighed, and rubbed her temples tiredly. "You're the one who made the rules, Allie.  Who are you wearing, anyway?"

"Sarah and Danny."

"But I thought Sarah was your friend."

"They asked to go as my slip and my dress.  Practically begged."

"Really?  Weird.  Fine, I know what happens if you go into a Venn Machine wearing someone.  We've all made that mistake.  Once.  Go ahead."

"Thank you," Allie said with more sarcasm than gratitude.

One Venn Machine opened up, with a confused looking girl stumbling out.  Her apparent twin emerged from the other side, took her by the arm, and guided her toward the dance floor.  "Come on, Ben.  This will be fun!"

Candace was standing in front of the open machine, and she gave Allie a wicked grin before calling to the next two people in line.  "Stu and, oh hi Suzy.  You two are up next."

As the doors closed behind them, Allie stared in shock. "You just sent my date into the Venn Machine with Suzy!"

"Did I?" asked Candace sweetly.  "Well, you know the rules.  Everyone must get Venned.  I might not be able to beat you at Quick Draw, but I bet Suzy can beat your date."

"AAAARGH!"

Kari glared at Candace, then turned her attention to Allie.  “Look, even the Social Committee got Venned.  Every one of us has been through it.  Most of us are wearing our dates.  Well, except Tammy.  She turned Dave into herself, and he returned the favour.  So now Dave’s minding the door as ‘Tammy’, and Tammy’s over there at the punch table chatting up some girls.  The worst thing is, I think they’re starting a trend.”

Inside the Venn Machine, Stu was staring at the display in wonder.

"What's the matter, never seen the inside of a Venn Machine before?"

"Not like this, no.  I tried last summer on a drunken dare, and it just stayed blank."

"Oooh, lucky me.  A virgin."

"Hey!  How'd you... oh, you mean to Venn Machines.  Yeah, I guess."

“Don’t worry.  I’ll be gentle.  You’d make a cute girl.  Petite.  No, not that petite.”

“What are you doing?”

Suzy grinned toothily.  “This.”  She tapped the green circle, and Stu’s perspective dropped by a foot and a half.

Stu stared up at the image of Suzy on the screen.  “What did you do?  Oh my God, my voice!”

“Not just your voice.”

Stu looked down at himself.  The first thing he noticed was that he was now wearing a dress.  The second was that he had breasts.  Little ones, but definitely...

“You turned me into a girl!”

“Yup.  The complete opposite of the big hunky quarterback.  Think that dumb jock brain of yours can handle it?”

Stu glared up at Suzy.  “I am not some dumb jock.  You have to have a good memory, and be able to think on your feet.”

“Whatever you say, little girl.”

“I’d say I need a dress.”  Stu tapped at the screen.

“Hey wait, what are you...”  Suzy didn’t get to finish her question, as she fluttered to the floor of the Venn Machine as a heap of fabric.

As Stu picked Suzy up, he murmured to her.  “Quarterbacks also have to react quickly to changing circumstances.  How’d I do?”

Suzy had to admit, he’d done pretty well.  She silently berated herself for gloating, and was still beating herself up about it when Stu started to put her on.

“Mmm.  You feel nice, Suzy.  I hope you’re enjoying this as much as I am.”

Suzy had never been worn like this before.  When she had lost at Quick Draw she had mostly become scarves.  Once she’d been a pair of shoes.  Neither had been especially comfortable - wool scarves were just as scratchy from the inside.  She’d had no idea that being worn could feel good.  Holding a warm, curvy body inside herself was what a dress was made to do, and doing it was wonderful.

“There you are!” cried Allie, storming toward Stu.  “Where have you... are you wearing Suzy?”

Stu grinned, and nodded.  “Hey, she started it.”

“You little perv.  You’re enjoying this.”

“Wasn’t that the point?”  Stu drawled, looking up at Allie.  When she’d been shorter than him, she’d been gorgeous.  Now that she towered over him, she was awe-inspiring.

Allie’s eyes flashed dangerously.  “No.  Here, hold these.  I have some business to attend to.”

Stu looked down at the slip and dress that had been thrust into his arms.  “What am I supposed to do with these?”

“Put Sarah and Danny into a locker while I go deal with those upstarts on the Social Committee.  Or just drag them around, I don’t care.”

Stu trailed along in Allie’s wake, admiring the view.  He was quietly glad her ire wasn’t turned on him, so he could enjoy how spectacular she was in her fury.

At the front of the line, Allie strode up to Kari and challenged her to a duel.

Kari sighed.  “Look at this line.  We’re lucky the second Venn Machine appeared, but it’s still going to take ages to get everyone through.  I’ll be glad to give you satisfaction once that is done.”

Allie stalked off toward the punch-bowl, fuming.

Stu approached Kari with his armload of fabric.  “Excuse me, Kari?”

Kari looked down at the petite girl curiously.  “Who are you?”

Stu grinned at the novelty of being unrecognized.  “Call me... Sally.  I’ve got a couple of people here that should be changed back to enjoy the dance.”

“No change-backs.  Everyone who came here knew the rules.  Some just chose to ignore them.”  She glared off in Allie’s direction.  Then a Venn Machine opened, and she guided the next two in line into it.

Stu held out Danny and Sarah again.  “Look, they came here as outfits, then got dumped.  By Allie, no less.  So it wouldn’t really be a change-back.”

“Fine.  But these two Venn Machines are spoken for until that line clears.”

“What about the one around the corner?”

Kari blinked.  “What one around the corner?”

Stu tugged her arm, and Kari allowed herself to be pulled sideways a bit.  Sure enough, only a few steps away from the new Venn Machine there was yet another one.  “When the heck did that get there?”

“No idea.  Mind if I use it, though?”

Kari shrugged.  “I guess.  Darn, I can’t watch over both... once you’ve dealt with your friends, can you watch that one?  Wave at me when it’s clear, so I can send more people through.”

“OK!”

Stu carefully put one item in each side, and watched the doors disappear.  Inside the booth, Danny sighed, and looked over at Sarah through the interface of the Venn Machine.  “Well.  That was brief.  I was really looking forward to this, too.”

“I know.  Stupid Allie, I should have known this would happen.  Still, I guess we can make the best of it.”

Danny grinned.  “Does that mean what I think it does?  I get to be your dress?”

Sarah pouted.  “Don’t you think my dress is pretty enough?”  She pirouetted in the confines of the booth, showing off a simple purple dress that reached just past her knees.  Its clean lines accentuated the gentle curves of Sarah’s body.

“N..no, I think you look beautiful.”

“Sorry, sweetie, that was mean.  I just love how you stammer and blush.  And oooh, I think you’re the perfect shade now to be my slip.”

“Slip?”  Danny asked.  But there was no time for answers, as he felt the delicious folding and fluttering of his fabric body settling to the floor of the booth.

Sarah darted around to scoop Danny up. She bundled him out of sight, and quickly made off for the washrooms.  Once she was unobserved, Sarah changed into Danny as quickly as she could.  

Sarah posed in front of the mirror, turning this way and that.  “Perfect.  Nobody can see you, it’s as if you aren’t even there.  But I can feel you holding me tight.”

Sarah skipped lightly to the dance area, and finally got a chance to see what the Venn Machine had done to her classmates.  Most of the people were girls, many of them wearing extravagant, glittery dresses that were clearly Venn Machine products.  A few girls looked like current pop-stars, some of the others made Sarah think of her brothers’ video games. Two of the girls had cat-ears.  One even had an elongated face that gave the impression of a muzzle, and a furry tail to match.

Sarah made a point to dance with the cat-eared girls, as they were being shunned by the other girls.  The guys had their pick of girls, and hadn’t given them a second glance.  Sarah thought they were cute, and marvelled at how well the one could control her tail.  But when she offered to pet it, the girl blushed, and tugged it away.  “It’s... uh...  A bit sensitive.”

Sarah grinned.  “Really?  Well.  I’ll have to try that one day.”

“God, the things I’ve heard tonight.  Everyone will call you a freak.”

“You won’t.”  The catgirl smiled shyly, and nodded.  “Danny won’t.  That’s good enough for me.  Let’s both go to school as catgirls one day, and see who our real friends are.”

The catgirl leaned closer to Sarah and whispered, “I’m Annie Smith.  We’ll talk later.  I’ll introduce you to the real person behind Felicia over there, too.”

Sarah grinned back.  “Count on it.”  They danced together for several more songs, including some slow dances.  They pointedly ignored the space that everyone else was giving them.


Kari sighed happily.  “There, that’s the last of the lineup.  Thanks for finding the new machine, Sally, you’ve been a huge help.”

Stu grinned, and bowed.  “Glad to be of service.”

Kari chuckled. “Thought it might be you, Stu.  Ah well, time to face the music.  Hi, Allie.”

Allie swept past Kari to Candace, nearly dragging her into the Venn Machine.  Allie started going through the committee as fast as the Venn Machine could cycle.  In a double handful of minutes, all eight of the committee members disappeared one by one.  Some had to take a quick trip to the lockers to store their boyfriends, first.

Without the organizing volunteers, chaos began to creep over the party.  Nobody was minding the door, so more than a few people snuck out without changing back first.  There were a handful of latecomers that wandered in without getting Venned, too.  That was not seen as a problem, as there were plenty of girls eager to pounce on the new guys.

With nobody to guard the punchbowls, their alcohol content increased rapidly.  One of the few remaining guys took over as DJ when James got turned into yet another bangle for Allie’s stash.  The increasing inebriation and increasing volume got the party properly started.

The noise, crowding, and growing number of gropes drove first the catgirls, then Sarah from the dancefloor.  She looked around, and saw Allie deposit yet another sparkling hoop into the pile in Rebecah’s hands.  Sarah had stopped being Allie’s second for duels since Homecoming, and Rebecah had filled in the gap.  Now she was holding an armful of conquests, and Allie wasn’t looking like she was ready to stop.

Sarah stormed up to the Venn Machines, and grabbed at the bangles in Rebecah’s hands.  Rebecah just held them above her head, out of the shorter girls’ reach.

“Stop this!  You’ve gone too far this time.  Those aren’t toys, or things to be set aside.  They are people.  It’s wrong to change them and just discard them.”

“And what are you going to do about it,” sneered Allie.

Sarah slapped her across the face.  Not hard, but enough to make her intent perfectly clear.

Allie’s face grew redder from the anger than the blow.  “Oh, it’s on.”  She turned to the Venn Machine, and set it for a month.  Everyone gasped, even dueling for a day was unusual.

Sarah just smiled.  “I taught you every trick you know, Allie.  You really think I’m scared?”

That got even more murmurs going among the crowd that had gathered around the two girls.

“That may be, but you are out of practice, and I’m at the top of my game.”

Sarah smiled.  “I didn’t teach you everything I know.  Still game?”

“I...”

“Come on, you’re not going to back down from mousy little Sarah, are you?”

The crowd’s muttering got louder and uglier, and Allie could hear it just as well as Sarah could.  “Damn you.”  Allie strode through the booth’s door, leaving Sarah scurrying to her side.  Being last into the Venn Machine was usually a losing proposition.

This time, it was different.  Allie stared in horror at the two people in her display.  The shock wasn’t enough to stop her automatic duel drill, and she called out ‘bra’ and reached for the display.  Nothing happened.

“You know what happens if you wear someone into a Venn Machine, right?” asked Sarah, softly.  The noise of the crowd had vanished when the doors appeared.

Allie nodded.

“They get to decide.  If they press the green button, everything carries on normally.  But if they press the red button, or just delay too long...”

“Everyone gets returned to normal,” Allie whispered.  “Please don’t do this.”

“Why, whatever’s wrong, Allie?” asked Sarah ever so sweetly.

Allie held her hands out in supplication.  “I can’t go back, Sarah.  Please!”

Danny looked sharply at Sarah.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.  But the Allie everybody knows is not the real Allie.  The real Allie is ... plain.”

“Please,” whimpered Allie.  “I don’t want to be ugly.”

“But don’t you see?  You’ve become ugly.  The Allie I once knew was pretty, and had a beautiful soul.  Do it, Danny.”

The doors of the Venn Machine opened, and Allie stumbled out into the light.  The crowd gasped in shock at the sight.  She was short.  She had long, straight, mouse-brown hair instead of the gorgeously coiffed blonde tresses she’d entered with.  Worse, her hair-pins were sticking out all over the place, making her look like a bedraggled hedgehog.

Kari broke the silence, looking over to Sarah and Danny.  “What did you do to her?”

“You all know what happens when you wear someone into the Venn Machine,” said Sarah, holding up Danny’s hand.  “Everyone goes back to normal.  That is Allie as she truly is.”

The crowd closed in on Allie, jeering at her.

Sarah pulled Danny over to Rebecah.  “Give the others to me.”  Her voice wasn’t raised, but there was a fateful certainty to them.  Rebecah didn’t even ask, she just poured the bangles into Sarah’s hands.

Allie broke through the crowd ringing her to confront Sarah.  “You bitch!  I thought we were friends.”

Sarah stared her down, though Danny could feel the trembling in the hand that gripped his.  “We were friends, once upon a time.”

“Then why?”

Sarah brandished the bangles.  “These are people, Allie.  This is not how you treat them.  You don’t just dump them in a pile.”

“You wore Danny earlier.”

“Yes.  He was willing.  I made sure he had fun.  If you change someone, you have a duty to care for them, to use them instead of abandoning them.”

“I don’t understand.”

“That’s the problem here!  Nobody understands.  What is it like to be an inert piece of metal.  Anyone?”  Her only answer were silent, uncomprehending stares.  “How about shoes?  I know a lot of you have been shoes.  Is it fun to be ground into the pavement for hours?”

“No,” said one person.  “It sucks!” called another.

“But who here would willingly be the dress of a beautiful girl, dancing through the night?”

Nobody spoke up, as such, but there was a generally positive muttering of assent that turned into surprised looks among the crowd.  “You too?” was murmured more than once.

“The Venn Machines are here.  They are testing us, tempting us to treat people as objects.  But these objects are people!”  Sarah flung the handful of bangles into the Venn Machine, and the entrance vanished.  Moments later, a stream of girls (and one dazed boy) started tumbling out, emerging clown-car like from a space seemingly too small to hold them all.

The attention of the crowd turned to the emerging girls, cheering the return of their friends.  Allie slunk away.

Sarah turned to Danny, and buried her face in his shoulder.  She trembled with suppressed tears.  Danny patted her back gently.  “You were wonderful, love.  That was amazing.”

Sarah just clung tighter, and whispered, “I was terrified.”

“Shh, come on.”  Danny half carried, half-led Sarah around the corner and away from the mob.  They ended up right in front of the third Venn Machine.  Sarah looked at it, looked up at Danny, and nodded.

Danny put a dollar in, and set the time for the usual eight hours.  “Everyone must get Venned, after all.”

Sarah stepped inside, and managed a weak laugh.  “You liked being my slip that much?”

Danny entered the other side.  “It was even better than being a dress over you as a slip.”

Moments later, Danny looked down at his changed body in disappointment.  It was all curvy.  Not as curvy as Allie had been, not by far.  But more so than she was now.

“Something wrong with being a girl?”

“Well... I’d kind of expected to be, you know... fabric.”

“My turn.”

Danny hadn’t finished designing Sarah before time ran out, so they had to go back in to finish the job.  He made sure that she was perfect.  She was not just soft, silky and the most beautiful shade of pale pink, but she also had a long, heavy skirt that swirled around Dani’s legs.  With every step, Dani felt more and more feminine.  The personality she’d crafted when she’d been in this shape for the odd weekend came back to her easily, like riding a bike.

With the return of the volunteers, the party stopped resembling a drunken brawl, and returned to something resembling a civilized high school dance.  There was still a gross gender imbalance, so there were many girls dancing with girls.  Nobody seemed to be asking how many of those boys had started the day male.

Dani found the catgirls dancing alone, and she joined them.  After a few dances, Felicia excused herself, and headed for the Venn Machines.  Dani saw her talk to Kari, and before long she emerged looking like a perfectly normal girl once more, then left the mall.

“Look, this has been fun, but...  I think my friend had the right idea.  Thank you for the dances.”

Dani trailed along with her catgirl friend to the Venn Machines, but let Kari handle the task of changing her back to normal.  She sighed as she watched Annie go.  “She was so pretty like that.  It’s a shame.”

Kari nodded.  “I know.  Most of the kids here are such... gah.  Just a few more months to go.”

“I’m counting down the days until real life begins, too.”

Kari turned to Dani.  “Hi, I’m Kari.  I’m not sure we’ve met.”

Dani smiled, and held out her hand.  “I’m Dani, with an i, for now.”

“Interesting.  You look like... Sarah’s Danny?”

Dani nodded.

“Where’s Sarah?”

Dani glided her hand down her dress, flaring out the skirt.  “Right here.”

“Oh!  Were you her dress, earlier?”

Dani smiled radiantly.  “Her slip, actually.”

“And... you liked it?”

Dani nodded.  “Very much.  Being so close to someone you love is amazing.  You can feel their heart beat.”

Kari twisted her hands together worriedly.  “I’m... uh, I’m wearing Gary, my boyfriend.  What can I say, peer pressure.  But... should I change him back, now?”

“Have you done any dancing yet?”

Kari shook her head.  “We were busy.  And all of the guys here are taken.  And... well... I’m wearing my boyfriend.  It’d be weird to dance with another guy.”

“Then dance with me.”  Dani took Kari’s hand, and pulled her toward the dance floor.  “We should let Gary have the full experience.”

Dani led Kari through several fast dances, but when a slow song started, Kari tried to pull away.

“Come on, nobody will care.  We’ll be just another pair of girls dancing.”

Kari looked around, and saw it was true.  Few of the girls had left the floor, and some of them were looking awfully cozy together as they danced.  She shrugged, and pulled Dani into a close embrace.  “OK, but I get to lead this one.”

As they danced, they talked in soft murmurs.  About their lives, their loves, their hopes for the future.  Afterward, Kari excused herself to go cool off.  Dani followed along.  There was a fountain further into the mall, and a few couples here and there were necking in the dim light.

“You’re so easy to talk to, for a guy.  You seem like a real girl.”

Dani smiled prettily.  “Thanks.”

Kari laughed.  “Most guys wouldn’t take that as a compliment.”

“I’m not most guys, I guess.  Being a girl is different, but not so much that I can’t stand it.  It’s fun.  Liberating.”

Kari craned her neck, looking back toward the party and the Venn Machines.  “It’s a new world.”

“I’m looking forward to it.  Especially if I can be Sarah’s dress from time to time.”

“She’s a lucky, lucky girl.”

“Dress.”

“Is that lucky, really?”

“We like to think so.”

Kari sighed.  “We all kept treating being clothing as punishment, as a trial to be endured.”

“It can be that.  But if you’re the right kind of clothes, oh... it’s something else entirely.  Soft, flexible, satiny or silky is best.  Sarah’s all of that and more, and so heavy she weighs against my legs as if she’s dancing here with me.”

“You won’t get in trouble with her for dancing with me, will you?”

“No!  Not at all.  That was the whole point of this.  Close dances are the best when you’re a dress.  You get to feel the other person move, too.”

“So... you think Gary might have enjoyed himself?”  She traced a fingertip teasingly down the seam of her dress.

"Very likely.  If you're nice to him, he might let you do it again.  You should try wearing him as animal-print satin underthings.  Very... invigorating.  For both of you."

"I hope so.  I enjoyed that dance."

"I hear another slow song starting.  Shall we?"  Dani stood, and held a hand out for Kari.

"Let's."


At the end of the night, Dani drove Sarah home.  Her parents were up, and a bit taken aback at the pretty young thing on their doorstep that very clearly wasn't their daughter.  "Hello Mr. and Mrs. Crane.  I've brought Sarah back home, safe and sound."  Dani spun to show off the dress.

"Danny?"

Dani nodded.  "It was an interesting night."

“Why didn’t you change her back before bringing her here?” asked Mrs. Crane.

"The lines for the Venn Machines were very long.  It's been such a wonderful night, and neither of us have things to do tomorrow.  I don't want it to end yet."

“We saw the ring you gave Sarah today.  It’s very pretty,” said Mrs. Crane.

Sarah’s father yawned, and headed toward the stairs.  “I’m going to bed.  Don’t stay up all night, dear.”

Mrs. Crane insisted that Dani call her Wanda.  She led Dani into the kitchen, where they sat and talked over herbal tea and cookies.  Dani asked for cherry tea, and Wanda noted it was Sarah’s favourite, too.

“She’s the one that got me drinking it.”

Wanda smiled.  “You two are very much in love.  Ah, to be young again.”

Dani smiled.  “You can be, you know.  I talked my parents into spending a day as teenagers my age.  It was fun.”

“It’s not the same.”

“No, I suppose it isn’t.  Responsibilities, and the like.”

“Not a word I’d expect to hear from a teenager.”

Dani shrugged.  “I guess I’m not a typical teenager.  I just want high school to be over, so I can get on with my real life.”

Mrs. Crane patted Dani’s hand.  “You’ll get there soon enough, dear.  Enjoy these days while you can.  What are you so eager to start, anyway?”

Dani talked on at length about her plans.  She’d been working at her father’s garage on the weekends, and all of the last summer break.  This summer she was hoping to make journeyman, and start working as a full mechanic, rather than as an assistant.

“I thought Sarah mentioned you’d spent a few weekends as a girl.  Did you work those, too?”

Dani nodded, grinning at the memory.  “Yeah.  The guys were a bit taken aback by it.  I’ve mostly been helping with all the computers that are in cars these days, and it’s not heavy work.  After the second weekend, they were just treating me like one of the guys.  It was great.”

“You really seem to like being a girl.  Is that part of your plans?”

Dani smiled a shy little smile, and nodded.  “Not all the time, or even most of the time.  But... well, girl’s clothes are so much nicer, both to wear, and to be.”

Dani snuggled her dress around her happily, and sipped her tea.  She was very careful not to spill anything on Sarah.

A companionable silence stretched on, until Dani yawned hugely.  Wanda echoed the yawn.

“Oh, goodness, it’s gotten late.  Are you going to be OK to drive home?”

Dani’s head bobbed tiredly, then she shook it.  “Don’ think so.”

“Will your parents be worried?”

“Nah.  Tol’ em I’d prolly be stuck as a dress all night.”

“Sarah said the same thing.  When will she change back?”

“‘’bout 6 a.m.”

“Well.  We’re not staying up for that, surely.  Come on, let’s get you two into bed.”

Dani didn’t protest as Wanda led her to Sarah’s room.  But when she tried to take Sarah off, Dani shook her head.  “Please?  ‘S not like she’ll wrinkle.”

Mrs. Crane raised an eyebrow, then sighed.  “I suppose.  No funny business, though.”

Dani raised her hand.  “Scout’s honor.  Girl scout’s, anyway.”  She found that funny, and started to giggle.

Wanda tucked Dani into Sarah’s bed, still wearing the heavy, pink dress that was her daughter.  Almost reflexively, she kissed her on the forehead.  “Goodnight, dear.”

“‘night Mama.”  Dani’s eyes shut and she slept.

Wanda crept from the room, a smile on her face.  “I guess I’m gaining a daughter, too.  Always wanted another girl.”

Danny stirred a little when Sarah appeared next to him in bed.  They cuddled together, and were soon fast asleep once more.


In the morning, there were blushes and shy looks over breakfast.  Mr. Crane made it quite clear that he did not approve of finding a boy in his daughter’s bed.

Sarah could see through the gruff demeanor.  “What if you found a girl there?  It would be fun if Dani and I had a sleepover.”

“I... uh...”  Mr. Crane looked over at his wife for assistance.  She was grinning.

“Dear, they’re practically engaged.”

“‘s just a promise ring,” Mr. Crane huffed.

“And a promise I intend to keep,” said Danny.  “But I respect her too much to take any liberties with your daughter until I have kept it.”

“Aww,” said Sarah, earning her a disapproving look from her father.

“Come on, Danny.  I’ll walk you home.”

As Danny and Sarah walked to his car, Mr. and Mrs. Crane watched them go.  “She’s not going to be your little girl much longer, you know.  I think a summer wedding would be nice, don’t you?”

“Don’t you go start planning their lives for them.”  Mr. Crane sighed.  “But I suspect you’re right.”

As Danny drove away from her house, Sarah commented mildly, “This isn’t the way to your house.”

“No, it’s the way to the mall.  I have the day off.  What do you want to be, today?”